Finally learning this is how it will be....

The past almost week has been one of the worst in my life. I never ever saw myself in the situation im in right now. But im learning to accpet that for the next three years I will be going to bed alone, shopping alone, cooking alone, etc. Its so hard to know that im not gonna get that goodnight kiss, or hear his voice. I wont get to wake up to his beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile. No longer will I have someone try to wake me up then pounce on me or kiss my ears n neck and say good morning sunshine when i wont wake up. My afternoon naps will now be lonesome and no longer with him holding me. Yes I can visit and someday hug him and hold his hands but then I'll have to leave him to come back home to this hell that is now my life. I dont like the thought of being alone, Im the type that has to have affection to thrive off of and keep my sanity. I now stay staring at my phone so I wont miss his call IF he does get to call. I will wait for him no matter what though, I promised him and he doesnt deserve to be lead on. Im sure its no walk in the park for him either and it hurts me even worse to know that. Just hope he knows I LOVE HIM && he has my heart.