This may not ever make it to the one its meant for but who knows I might get enough balls to send it to him. lol But for now I write it as if it were to you guys (:
So a little background info to start this off. I started the whole "being into guys" at the early age of 12. Despite the "innocent" one my family thought I was, sad to say I wasn't. I was never the one to hang around kids my age, but always around the older ones. Actually I don;t even know if they are aware of everything even now but its 2 late for them to do anything now. Anywho My first real kiss was at 12 and it went downhill from there. To tell you the truth I honestly can't remember who it even was now. (I know what your thinking but I actually wasn't that bad I can narrow it down to 2 but I cant decipher who was actually the first lol) My first actual "boyfriend" I was 13 needless to say that one did probably the 2nd most damage. He was 23 and a real smooth talker,I was a gullible girl. He knew exactly what he was doing and boy did he end up throwing me for a loop. Ever seen the movie "thirteen" ? That was me in a nutshell pretty much. I truly thought he really loved me at the time. He would text me all day while I was in school. I would "go to my friends house" and end up spending time with him. He introduced me to his "boys" and everything seemed fine. WELL let's just say after a while rumors started "he was sleeping with my sister". Since we lived in a tiny ass town I figured people were just talking because they were jealous of the shopping sprees I would get, how he was always with me, and his family loved me. Come to find out there was something going on and still to this very day I can;t get either one of them to actually admit anything went down but he did end up admitting enough to crush me into a billion pieces. [See my entire life everyone always talked about how gorgeous my sister was, how she should get any guy she wanted, etc. I always looked up to her in a way because after awhile I figured everyone was right. She always called me a "fat cow" and told me how ugly I was and how I would never amount to anything, I would never find a good guy, Nobody would ever love me etc. Now granted I wasn't the skinniest thing when I was little I wasn't huge and that's not something you tell a 6-7 year old. Might I add she's 6 years older than me so she damn sure knew better. Anyways those 2 things alone things totally ruined me on so many levels that even now, years later, I still have those wounds.
Let's mention Guy #2 He said he loved me, I being young and dumb yet fell for it again. Let me tell you about homeboy here. This guy was 23? maybe 24? He was a correctional officer, made good money, had things going for him, seemed like a decent guy. I met him through friends we talked for a while I told him how old I was and he said that he would have never guessed by how mature I carried myself. Anyways time we on one thing led to another and we started dating and such. Turns out after the "new" wore off and he got comfortable with me, he was actually a drug-dealer, and only wanted me for arm candy. Basically to run deals and sex. I quickly left that one. It was quite easy to do because I threatened if he tried anything crazy I'd turn him in and he'd loose his job. Surprise Surprise the prison already had him under investigation and like 2 years later he got put in prison his damn self , Smooth move Sherlock!
Guy #3 was never ever supposed to happen. I got with him on a dare made by my friends. I was more popular than him as he was the tech-anime nerdy type. He was a senior in high school and I was a freshmen. I wasn't quite as wild anymore due to the fact I was on the flag team. So I was nearly always working out, practicing, or hanging out in the alcove watching & dancing to the drumline practicing. So what started it all was that I really really wanted to go to senior prom but being a underclassmen I had to be escorted by a senior. Since the only senior that really showed interest in me was a ugly douche bag football player I gave up. Some of my friends and I were sitting on "the big purple box" down band hall after school. The flag girls didn't have practice or something that day so as usual we were flirting with the drumline while the band practiced lol Well here comes Guy #3 walking outta chorus practice and My friend looks at me and said as he was walking off "I bet you can get him to go out with you and make him think your really serious", Then another adds "I dare you to get him wrapped so good he asks you to prom". Well me being me ended up doing it. That night I was on 3-way with the girls as usual lol We got on the then hot spot "myspace" and I messaged him. We went back and forth for like 3 days and he asked me on a date to the movies that Friday after he got off work, then we went to eat at waffle house lol romantic huh?! Anywho a few weeks went by and he asked me to be his girlfriend, me being pressured by the ever so lovely friends of mine I said yes. After all the goal was to make him think I was serious enough he'd ask me to prom right?! He was so amazingly sweet to me during this time, He had no clue what was going on. We would be changing classes and he'd slip me a note. I often would meet him at his car after school and he'd have a teddy bear, or necklace or something waiting for me. He was a true prince charming. Not knowing it I quickly actually started liking him. By the time he asked me to prom I had really fallen for him. I loved him and he loved me I took his virginity on prom night he was 18. We were like truly head over heels for each other. My family did not like him from day 1 (remember they thought I was miss goody 2 shoes still so the thought of me even "talking" to guys was outta the question) I basically had to move out that summer after a little incident including him, me ,my gma, and the cops. Me not even a sophomore in high school yet was now faced with being on my own. I wasn't old enough to have a job, had no money, Eventually me and him got a place together before school started once I convinced him to move out of his parents house. from then on I basically sat in the the house watching movies all day and night if I wasn't in school. We barely had enough money for rent and lights so sometimes if we didn't have enough money for gas I didn't go to school. I relied on him for everything, I trusted him to always take care of me, love me, most of all I trusted him with everything I had in me. I gave up so much to be with him. Eventually he proposed to me and I was on top of the world. Shortly after he started cheating on me, it started with girls online then girls at his college and then anything with a pussy. Its not like he had it bad or anything either. Once I could I got a job. I got a car. I went to school, worked, came home did homework, and had dinner waiting on him when he got home from work. Sex life was still amazing we finally had a little play money. I was totally faithful as I didn't hardly have time for anything because I was being Betty Homemaker and still in high school. His cheating got worse but when you love somebody you can never see the real truth. He moved me around to cities where I had no friends or connections so I usually sat at home being the housewife. He would always use the fact he had a nice paying job so I didn't need one. In reality it was so I didn't find out about him creepin. My dumbass still not wanting to accept the fact he was cheating on me and would never stop ended up falling for his lies YET AGAIN & married him. Shortly after getting married he got a job a Disney World and off we moved to Orlando. I was now over 230 miles away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. Wouldn't you know it his cheating was so bad he brought a girl home while I was home. That straw really broke the camels back. There is alot he did I've left out because I'm 2 embarrassed to even admit it, though I really wish I could let it all out so I could breathe.
Needless to say thanks to these events and many more that happened throughout these I now have huge trust issues, I doubt everything, and I still have nightmares from things he put me through. It seems like every guy I ever get extremely attached to ends up burning me worse than the one before. Some may say its karma that Guy #3 ended up fucking me over royally. OK I get that and accept that. But what about everything before him?! Yes I have some issues with the whole "male figure" since my parents divorced when I was 9. They both chose other people over us kids. Around this same time I lost the only man who I ever trusted and was truly my hero. My papa. That easy-going, big hearted, white haired man completely captured my heart. I was always with him or somewhere close by. So when I lost him and then my parents divorced really traumatized me.
_From the soul with many wounds
-xoxox Brandi-
Friday, December 31, 2010
Insomnia & Relationships
I was sitting here bored out of my mind, can't sleep as usual. This will probably be long and all over the place so bare with me. I was browsing PTO and came across a thread asking if a piece of paper really makes some married? Well as you can imagine some immediately flew off the handle shoving religion into it.
Their main argument was marriage is all about the vows and commitment you make to one another in front of god and everyone. **AMEN! But what does that have to do with the stupid $100 piece of paper issued by the State of Florida?? (or wherever you live) Unless God works for the state I don't see where your argument is plausible. Just sayin! **
The next was all about the legal aspects of it and how the two of your merge your lives and two truly became one. ** Whoa buddy! Maybe its just me cuz I've been there, done that. Or maybe its because I've been burned so many times before, But let's say you get your little piece of paper, buy a house, cars, joint bank accounts, have kids, etc. Then something happens and your marriage has crashed and burned. Hot Damn you realize you now have the huge headache of deciding who deserves what, which causes more hatred towards each other cuz let's face it the human nature is to be stingy. Thanks but no thanks, not going through another divorce even though mine was a walk in the park compared to some. Next time I may not be so lucky **
Some other thoughts are what about people who are legally married but can't wear rings for health or some other reason. What about people who cant afford rings, are you saying because they didn't go the "traditional route" they aren't married? I mean don't get me wrong I would love to get legally married again someday BUT I would have separate savings accounts and one joint account for Bills ONLY! But hell I would even be happy with just having a wedding ceremony without the legal paperwork. To me you can waive your little piece of paper and ring around all day but it don't mean shit unless you both are truly committed to each other. Just like the so-called "Christians" who are up in church every service and every Friday & Saturday right up in the club or runnin the streets, Unless you are truly committed to something it doesn't matter what you have to prove a relationship its not gonna mean anything.
Moving on......
So what do you consider the definition of relationship?
To me its when the thought of your actions hurting them literally hurts you. You have a deep connection with them that you cant share with anyone else. You give each other a sense of security and trust. You are totally committed to them mind, body, and soul. You know once trust is broken you can't get it back and if so its extremely hard to regain but it will never be how it once was. If one goes without, you both do. If one is down, the other does everything they can to make it better. If one is in trouble, the other tries to figure out how to fix it. When one makes life changing decisions, they stop and think about how it might affect the other. I could go on & on but I think you catch my drift.
So my questions for you are: #1 how much does that little piece of paper mean in a marriage? #2 What is your definition of relationship?
*from the insomniac herself*
-xoxox Brandi-
Their main argument was marriage is all about the vows and commitment you make to one another in front of god and everyone. **AMEN! But what does that have to do with the stupid $100 piece of paper issued by the State of Florida?? (or wherever you live) Unless God works for the state I don't see where your argument is plausible. Just sayin! **
The next was all about the legal aspects of it and how the two of your merge your lives and two truly became one. ** Whoa buddy! Maybe its just me cuz I've been there, done that. Or maybe its because I've been burned so many times before, But let's say you get your little piece of paper, buy a house, cars, joint bank accounts, have kids, etc. Then something happens and your marriage has crashed and burned. Hot Damn you realize you now have the huge headache of deciding who deserves what, which causes more hatred towards each other cuz let's face it the human nature is to be stingy. Thanks but no thanks, not going through another divorce even though mine was a walk in the park compared to some. Next time I may not be so lucky **
Some other thoughts are what about people who are legally married but can't wear rings for health or some other reason. What about people who cant afford rings, are you saying because they didn't go the "traditional route" they aren't married? I mean don't get me wrong I would love to get legally married again someday BUT I would have separate savings accounts and one joint account for Bills ONLY! But hell I would even be happy with just having a wedding ceremony without the legal paperwork. To me you can waive your little piece of paper and ring around all day but it don't mean shit unless you both are truly committed to each other. Just like the so-called "Christians" who are up in church every service and every Friday & Saturday right up in the club or runnin the streets, Unless you are truly committed to something it doesn't matter what you have to prove a relationship its not gonna mean anything.
Moving on......
So what do you consider the definition of relationship?
To me its when the thought of your actions hurting them literally hurts you. You have a deep connection with them that you cant share with anyone else. You give each other a sense of security and trust. You are totally committed to them mind, body, and soul. You know once trust is broken you can't get it back and if so its extremely hard to regain but it will never be how it once was. If one goes without, you both do. If one is down, the other does everything they can to make it better. If one is in trouble, the other tries to figure out how to fix it. When one makes life changing decisions, they stop and think about how it might affect the other. I could go on & on but I think you catch my drift.
So my questions for you are: #1 how much does that little piece of paper mean in a marriage? #2 What is your definition of relationship?
*from the insomniac herself*
-xoxox Brandi-
Thursday, December 30, 2010
OMG A PRISON GIRLFRIEND?
So Its late night/early morning whatever floats your boat. Everyone is sound asleep but me like usual. I was on PTO reading through posts of other prison wives/girlfriends and the like, It really got me thinking. While 98% of the time we look at "our bids" as a burden all around, but I'm experiencing the rare 2% of the time that can see the tiny gleam of reason and appreciation for this experience. Let me explain before somebody jumps stupid on me....
Con's of being with a Con:
* You get labeled with them:
People say you are no good yourself for standing by them. People say your just desperate, that's why you don't leave. Not understanding that you loved them before they got in trouble and that they really aren't the monster the stupid "labels and stereotypes" make them out to be. Nobody gets mad at military wives for being faithful and holding down the fort while their man is deployed. Only difference is soldiers are doing the most honorable thing one can do, while ours are learning how effed up the system is that the they are protecting. BUT trust me everyone of them more than likely has done something illegal at one point in time, they just didn't get caught. Most importantly you my friend have done something illegal as well (even if it just be a rolling stop or not wearing your seat belt, maybe trying drugs at a young age) and you didn't get caught so don't be so quick to flap them chops of yours about our men.
* You experience heartache like never before:
I speak this from my personal experience. You get to know and love this person, connect with them and build an unforgettable bond. You come to know almost every inch of this person, and vice versa. You get into a routine of waking up to them and falling asleep in their arms. You can call on them if you need help with something or even just for a kiss and your too lazy to get up and walk to where they are. You build inside jokes and memories. Then all of a sudden all of this gets ripped out from under you. No longer can you call or text them just to say "hey" or "see what they're doing". You go to bed alone and wake up in fear from a dream holding onto your pillow instead of his soft skin. You can no longer fall asleep with your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, instead you have to settle for snuggling with one of his shirts that still smell like him. If something really exciting or depressing happens you have to wait around for the phone to ring to tell him about it and hear his comforting words because nobody can soothe you like him. Its worse than a death and harder than a break-up. A death is excruciatingly painful but with time you slowly heal and get back into routine. A break-up its usually a mutual choice that you and that person don't fit therefore separate. Loving someone in prison? You both want so badly to be together but are told when and how you can carry on with your relationship.
>>While there are many more con's to this situation those are the biggest two in my opinion.<<
For the small Pros:
*It's all about the small things:
You come to realize all the stupid fights you had before mean nothing now. All the times you bitched about the trash, or snoring, maybe even a dumb movie he insisted on watching means absolutely nothing now. What I would give to see him sitting on the couch playing the PlayStation, even if I had to take out the trash myself. (sh*t I gotta do it myself now anyways) What I do to hear him snoring so loud I cant sleep, I never dreamed I would ever miss it. Or all the times I would argue about what movie he wanted me to watch with him, usually, he'd win and I'd just fall asleep in his lap so I wouldn't have to watch it lol. Now I would watch the dumbest, manliest, most boring movie ever made as long as I could sit on the couch and cuddle with him. God how I miss picking up empty soda cans and water bottles he'd always leave around.
*You truly become closer:
I would like to first and foremost say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the dumb b**ch who put him in there. Without you we would have never opened up to each other like we have. I would never experience the feeling of truly loving every inch of someone flaws and all. We cannot hug, kiss, stare into each other's eyes, have a sex life, share memories, etc. All we have are 15 minute phone calls at $2 each, and letters of which take 4 days at the least to get to the other person. But even with just those two we are more connected than ever. We now can slow down and realize maybe sometimes instead of a flashy piece of jewelry, house, car, outfit or whatever. We love to show off the words that are sent to us. The greeting cards most would find cheesy but to use they are worth more than gold. Knowing that once he's home our life and relationship will be 10x better than before all this because we will appreciate things most take for granted.
>> As with the con's there are a billion more but those are the ones that hit home the most <<
All in all while you may pity us or look down upon us, Our skin is nothing but leather. Some can't make through the struggles as this lifestyle is truly not for everyone. Next time you go to make a comment about the "ones in prison who don't matter". Next time you see prisoners working on the side of the road and still speed by them with the mentality "nobody would miss them if I hit them". Stop and think...... That's somebodies son, dad, grandfather, uncle, brother, husband, boyfriend, fiance, etc. You don't know if they are truly guilty or had evidence against them. You don't know if they intentionally committed their "crime" or felt they had to in order to provide for their family. You don't know if they were innocent but took the plea to help somebody they love not have to spend time locked up. YOU DON'T KNOW.
I myself used to say "if they land themselves in prison they deserve to be treated like monsters". I now have seen it with my own eyes not everyone is truly "guilty". Not everyone in prison committed a horrible crime. Don't get me wrong there are some who should get the needle quicker than day. But not all of them. On the inside they are the same as us, with families, friends, careers, etc. But they are put under stereotypes that break them down into cold hearted vegetables without us standing by to support them for the true being they are. We are also some of the only people who look forward to going to prison and actually dress up for it as much as possible. LOL *Sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying*
- Think about it.
-xoxox Brandi (the prison girlfriend)-
Con's of being with a Con:
* You get labeled with them:
People say you are no good yourself for standing by them. People say your just desperate, that's why you don't leave. Not understanding that you loved them before they got in trouble and that they really aren't the monster the stupid "labels and stereotypes" make them out to be. Nobody gets mad at military wives for being faithful and holding down the fort while their man is deployed. Only difference is soldiers are doing the most honorable thing one can do, while ours are learning how effed up the system is that the they are protecting. BUT trust me everyone of them more than likely has done something illegal at one point in time, they just didn't get caught. Most importantly you my friend have done something illegal as well (even if it just be a rolling stop or not wearing your seat belt, maybe trying drugs at a young age) and you didn't get caught so don't be so quick to flap them chops of yours about our men.
* You experience heartache like never before:
I speak this from my personal experience. You get to know and love this person, connect with them and build an unforgettable bond. You come to know almost every inch of this person, and vice versa. You get into a routine of waking up to them and falling asleep in their arms. You can call on them if you need help with something or even just for a kiss and your too lazy to get up and walk to where they are. You build inside jokes and memories. Then all of a sudden all of this gets ripped out from under you. No longer can you call or text them just to say "hey" or "see what they're doing". You go to bed alone and wake up in fear from a dream holding onto your pillow instead of his soft skin. You can no longer fall asleep with your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, instead you have to settle for snuggling with one of his shirts that still smell like him. If something really exciting or depressing happens you have to wait around for the phone to ring to tell him about it and hear his comforting words because nobody can soothe you like him. Its worse than a death and harder than a break-up. A death is excruciatingly painful but with time you slowly heal and get back into routine. A break-up its usually a mutual choice that you and that person don't fit therefore separate. Loving someone in prison? You both want so badly to be together but are told when and how you can carry on with your relationship.
>>While there are many more con's to this situation those are the biggest two in my opinion.<<
For the small Pros:
*It's all about the small things:
You come to realize all the stupid fights you had before mean nothing now. All the times you bitched about the trash, or snoring, maybe even a dumb movie he insisted on watching means absolutely nothing now. What I would give to see him sitting on the couch playing the PlayStation, even if I had to take out the trash myself. (sh*t I gotta do it myself now anyways) What I do to hear him snoring so loud I cant sleep, I never dreamed I would ever miss it. Or all the times I would argue about what movie he wanted me to watch with him, usually, he'd win and I'd just fall asleep in his lap so I wouldn't have to watch it lol. Now I would watch the dumbest, manliest, most boring movie ever made as long as I could sit on the couch and cuddle with him. God how I miss picking up empty soda cans and water bottles he'd always leave around.
*You truly become closer:
I would like to first and foremost say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the dumb b**ch who put him in there. Without you we would have never opened up to each other like we have. I would never experience the feeling of truly loving every inch of someone flaws and all. We cannot hug, kiss, stare into each other's eyes, have a sex life, share memories, etc. All we have are 15 minute phone calls at $2 each, and letters of which take 4 days at the least to get to the other person. But even with just those two we are more connected than ever. We now can slow down and realize maybe sometimes instead of a flashy piece of jewelry, house, car, outfit or whatever. We love to show off the words that are sent to us. The greeting cards most would find cheesy but to use they are worth more than gold. Knowing that once he's home our life and relationship will be 10x better than before all this because we will appreciate things most take for granted.
>> As with the con's there are a billion more but those are the ones that hit home the most <<
All in all while you may pity us or look down upon us, Our skin is nothing but leather. Some can't make through the struggles as this lifestyle is truly not for everyone. Next time you go to make a comment about the "ones in prison who don't matter". Next time you see prisoners working on the side of the road and still speed by them with the mentality "nobody would miss them if I hit them". Stop and think...... That's somebodies son, dad, grandfather, uncle, brother, husband, boyfriend, fiance, etc. You don't know if they are truly guilty or had evidence against them. You don't know if they intentionally committed their "crime" or felt they had to in order to provide for their family. You don't know if they were innocent but took the plea to help somebody they love not have to spend time locked up. YOU DON'T KNOW.
I myself used to say "if they land themselves in prison they deserve to be treated like monsters". I now have seen it with my own eyes not everyone is truly "guilty". Not everyone in prison committed a horrible crime. Don't get me wrong there are some who should get the needle quicker than day. But not all of them. On the inside they are the same as us, with families, friends, careers, etc. But they are put under stereotypes that break them down into cold hearted vegetables without us standing by to support them for the true being they are. We are also some of the only people who look forward to going to prison and actually dress up for it as much as possible. LOL *Sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying*
- Think about it.
-xoxox Brandi (the prison girlfriend)-
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
365 Project
BTW I'm doing project 365. If you don't knwo what that is basically you document your year in pictures. Everyday you take a picture of something significant to that day and post it. I've done it once before and let me say this it's honestly really cool once you get a few months into it. Here's mine so far.....
>>> Totally Healed by hisprettygirl · 365 Project <<<
>>> Totally Healed by hisprettygirl · 365 Project <<<
Friday, December 24, 2010
So much for everyday lol
Almost 2 months later I finally get on to update this thing lol. I have a good excuse though I quit Seaworld and moved to Georgia. Only temporarily though, Thank god. I moved to the backwoods part of Southern Georgia and like don't get me wrong its not extremely horrible, BUT I miss the fast pace lifestyle of Orlando. Most importantly my friends who grew to become more like my family. I'm currently living with my mom which I DO NOT PRIDE MYSELF ON, while I'm still exceptionally young I'm miss independent to the fullest. I like having the run of things, in my own house. I'm staying up here long enough to get my feet back on the ground, money saved up, and go back to school. I'm starting school Jan. 6th, 2011 and will graduate a year later as a Cosmetic Esthetician. I really wanna go for make-up artistry since I already have my foot in the door but I have to wait a little longer because the school I wanna go to for it costs $16k and I dont have that kinda money. I wont settle for less though, I have dreamed of going there for 2 years and I'm determined I WILL attend and graduate from there.
Anywho on December 14th I did something I said I would never do. (which im famous for doing lol) On December 15th I started a new chapter in my life I got divorced from my high-school sweetheart. We were together for 5 years. It was hard to let go at first but I wanted to do it because I just wasn't happy anymore. Other girls were way more important than me and I'm sorry but i'll be damned if I will be unappreciated. I can honestly say I was totally faithful and loved him with everything in me, but after someone burns you so many times you just become numb to them. I know Im better than that and deserve better than that. I have lost 30lbs since September, which in exchange has helped tons with my pcos. Trust me I still suffer from pains but theyre not nearly as often or as bad. Which I also get to start gettin my health issues straightened out in January as well. (:
Im still not approved to see my blue eyed boy, So just like Thanksgiving and my Birthday I'll be spending Christmas and New Years without him. Bah Humbug! Its now officially Christmas Eve so Im going to bed before I start letting out all my emotions on this poor keyboard and end up crying my eyes out. I am going back down to Florida to my grandmothers house to spend Christmas. So I gotta get up early and pack cuz I always wait til last minute to get ready for anything lol I really should work on that.
So until next blog, Thanks for reading.
-xoxox- His Pretty Girl
Anywho on December 14th I did something I said I would never do. (which im famous for doing lol) On December 15th I started a new chapter in my life I got divorced from my high-school sweetheart. We were together for 5 years. It was hard to let go at first but I wanted to do it because I just wasn't happy anymore. Other girls were way more important than me and I'm sorry but i'll be damned if I will be unappreciated. I can honestly say I was totally faithful and loved him with everything in me, but after someone burns you so many times you just become numb to them. I know Im better than that and deserve better than that. I have lost 30lbs since September, which in exchange has helped tons with my pcos. Trust me I still suffer from pains but theyre not nearly as often or as bad. Which I also get to start gettin my health issues straightened out in January as well. (:
Im still not approved to see my blue eyed boy, So just like Thanksgiving and my Birthday I'll be spending Christmas and New Years without him. Bah Humbug! Its now officially Christmas Eve so Im going to bed before I start letting out all my emotions on this poor keyboard and end up crying my eyes out. I am going back down to Florida to my grandmothers house to spend Christmas. So I gotta get up early and pack cuz I always wait til last minute to get ready for anything lol I really should work on that.
So until next blog, Thanks for reading.
-xoxox- His Pretty Girl
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Wake me up when September ends......
So i broke the thing of posting "everyday" lol oops! but I've been keeping busy or just laying in bed all day. So anywho My job got us & one person into this place called Wonderworks for free on September 15th. It was my first time out since he got sent off. I took a friend Mandy, we met up with some of my co-workers and from then on just had a blast. They put me in a bubble, we played lazer tag (yay for mandy not shooting herself) lol and a bunch of other things. here the link if ur ever in my area and need something to do... http://www.wonderworksonline.com/html/
Anywho then my so called "best friend" of over 17 years came down that friday with her boyfriend. Like really mine just got sent off and u bring urs down here and kinda rub it in my face u still have urs. I mean i thought we were older than that but apparently not. and at first I thought i was just being a bitch but the more i talk to people about it the more i realize what she did was low n dirty. she has all the time n the world to spend with him yet she cant take 2 days outta her life to come be with me when i need her most. even though i've done it countless times for her. So anyway not only did we got to citywalk and eat at hardrock which was the place me n my dude had our first kiss/first date. BUT they end up leaving less than 24 hrs after they arrived after she said they would stay til sunday. Like really even though he "got called into work" she coulda stayed with me so we could actually have girl time but she uses the excuse "i didnt have a ride home then" UMMM hello lastime i checked aint shit wrong with my car so WTF is the real deal?! JUST DAMN SELFISH so i was gonna suck it up and not say shit but she kept on n on so i told her how i felt. Im not goin into detail but i will say this (if YOU end up reading this): You know damn good n well you coulda left him home, if u didnt wanna be here for me then why the fuck did u offer?! you may be this that n the other BUT i have no sympathy for you. esp when yall get up on facebook saying u had a nice 3 day weekend with each other. bitch i aint dumb i thought you were so much better than this and never in a million years seen us in this situation. yes were older and im not asking for anything more than a friend. you never call and when i text u were usually short with me. BUT sweetheart let me say this, i love you dearly but the reason u dont work out with dudes is cuz ur to damn clingy when u get them. U may feel like ur on cloud 9 now but he will get tired of it just like the others and u keep pushing everyone who will be there for u no matter what away and when he does get tired of it u will have nobody. and im not so sure if i wanna b there for u when it happens because i try to tell u how i feel and u try to throw it back on me. i think this is kinda petty but its not even about guys its about you not being here for me and basically using me as a hotel (free stay i might add) for u n ur man to have a vacation at the time i need someone the most. im not gonna say im sorry cuz i feel i did nothing wrong.
ON another note:
on wednesday the 22nd I went to the employee preview of Hallowwen Horror Nights XX at universal studios. i had tons of fun with megan & alli. though it wasnt the same without rocky and they got a douchebag magician in its place :/ none the less it was still fun and def. what i needed. heres some pics (:
all photos were taken by alli...she gets full credit for them(:
Friday the 24th i was scheduled to go visit him so i drive 1.5 hrs out to the jail only to find he had been transferred so the crushed me and i came home cried myself to sleep. The dogs woke me up by barking at the mailman so i went out there and i had a letter from him explaining everything and what i needed to do on my end to get everything setup n stuff it broke my heart but made me feel amazing at the same time. here a lil pic:
Then on the 25th I went to the employee preview of Howl-o-scream at Busch gardens and it was sooo much fun OMG! those houses had me screaming, duckin, runnin and bout to have a damn heart attack a few times lol my throat was sore the next morning. we got home at 4am and i was soo damn tired so i slept til like 2pm that sunday. I didnt get any pics except of my ticket lol cuz i didnt wanna take my camera for fear of dropping it (good choice)
until next post -xoxox- brandi
Anywho then my so called "best friend" of over 17 years came down that friday with her boyfriend. Like really mine just got sent off and u bring urs down here and kinda rub it in my face u still have urs. I mean i thought we were older than that but apparently not. and at first I thought i was just being a bitch but the more i talk to people about it the more i realize what she did was low n dirty. she has all the time n the world to spend with him yet she cant take 2 days outta her life to come be with me when i need her most. even though i've done it countless times for her. So anyway not only did we got to citywalk and eat at hardrock which was the place me n my dude had our first kiss/first date. BUT they end up leaving less than 24 hrs after they arrived after she said they would stay til sunday. Like really even though he "got called into work" she coulda stayed with me so we could actually have girl time but she uses the excuse "i didnt have a ride home then" UMMM hello lastime i checked aint shit wrong with my car so WTF is the real deal?! JUST DAMN SELFISH so i was gonna suck it up and not say shit but she kept on n on so i told her how i felt. Im not goin into detail but i will say this (if YOU end up reading this): You know damn good n well you coulda left him home, if u didnt wanna be here for me then why the fuck did u offer?! you may be this that n the other BUT i have no sympathy for you. esp when yall get up on facebook saying u had a nice 3 day weekend with each other. bitch i aint dumb i thought you were so much better than this and never in a million years seen us in this situation. yes were older and im not asking for anything more than a friend. you never call and when i text u were usually short with me. BUT sweetheart let me say this, i love you dearly but the reason u dont work out with dudes is cuz ur to damn clingy when u get them. U may feel like ur on cloud 9 now but he will get tired of it just like the others and u keep pushing everyone who will be there for u no matter what away and when he does get tired of it u will have nobody. and im not so sure if i wanna b there for u when it happens because i try to tell u how i feel and u try to throw it back on me. i think this is kinda petty but its not even about guys its about you not being here for me and basically using me as a hotel (free stay i might add) for u n ur man to have a vacation at the time i need someone the most. im not gonna say im sorry cuz i feel i did nothing wrong.
ON another note:
on wednesday the 22nd I went to the employee preview of Hallowwen Horror Nights XX at universal studios. i had tons of fun with megan & alli. though it wasnt the same without rocky and they got a douchebag magician in its place :/ none the less it was still fun and def. what i needed. heres some pics (:
Friday the 24th i was scheduled to go visit him so i drive 1.5 hrs out to the jail only to find he had been transferred so the crushed me and i came home cried myself to sleep. The dogs woke me up by barking at the mailman so i went out there and i had a letter from him explaining everything and what i needed to do on my end to get everything setup n stuff it broke my heart but made me feel amazing at the same time. here a lil pic:
Then on the 25th I went to the employee preview of Howl-o-scream at Busch gardens and it was sooo much fun OMG! those houses had me screaming, duckin, runnin and bout to have a damn heart attack a few times lol my throat was sore the next morning. we got home at 4am and i was soo damn tired so i slept til like 2pm that sunday. I didnt get any pics except of my ticket lol cuz i didnt wanna take my camera for fear of dropping it (good choice)
Oh and btw here my fav pic from
a photoshoot i did (:
until next post -xoxox- brandi
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Finally learning this is how it will be....
The past almost week has been one of the worst in my life. I never ever saw myself in the situation im in right now. But im learning to accpet that for the next three years I will be going to bed alone, shopping alone, cooking alone, etc. Its so hard to know that im not gonna get that goodnight kiss, or hear his voice. I wont get to wake up to his beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile. No longer will I have someone try to wake me up then pounce on me or kiss my ears n neck and say good morning sunshine when i wont wake up. My afternoon naps will now be lonesome and no longer with him holding me. Yes I can visit and someday hug him and hold his hands but then I'll have to leave him to come back home to this hell that is now my life. I dont like the thought of being alone, Im the type that has to have affection to thrive off of and keep my sanity. I now stay staring at my phone so I wont miss his call IF he does get to call. I will wait for him no matter what though, I promised him and he doesnt deserve to be lead on. Im sure its no walk in the park for him either and it hurts me even worse to know that. Just hope he knows I LOVE HIM && he has my heart.
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