So Its late night/early morning whatever floats your boat. Everyone is sound asleep but me like usual. I was on PTO reading through posts of other prison wives/girlfriends and the like, It really got me thinking. While 98% of the time we look at "our bids" as a burden all around, but I'm experiencing the rare 2% of the time that can see the tiny gleam of reason and appreciation for this experience. Let me explain before somebody jumps stupid on me....
Con's of being with a Con:
* You get labeled with them:
People say you are no good yourself for standing by them. People say your just desperate, that's why you don't leave. Not understanding that you loved them before they got in trouble and that they really aren't the monster the stupid "labels and stereotypes" make them out to be. Nobody gets mad at military wives for being faithful and holding down the fort while their man is deployed. Only difference is soldiers are doing the most honorable thing one can do, while ours are learning how effed up the system is that the they are protecting. BUT trust me everyone of them more than likely has done something illegal at one point in time, they just didn't get caught. Most importantly you my friend have done something illegal as well (even if it just be a rolling stop or not wearing your seat belt, maybe trying drugs at a young age) and you didn't get caught so don't be so quick to flap them chops of yours about our men.
* You experience heartache like never before:
I speak this from my personal experience. You get to know and love this person, connect with them and build an unforgettable bond. You come to know almost every inch of this person, and vice versa. You get into a routine of waking up to them and falling asleep in their arms. You can call on them if you need help with something or even just for a kiss and your too lazy to get up and walk to where they are. You build inside jokes and memories. Then all of a sudden all of this gets ripped out from under you. No longer can you call or text them just to say "hey" or "see what they're doing". You go to bed alone and wake up in fear from a dream holding onto your pillow instead of his soft skin. You can no longer fall asleep with your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, instead you have to settle for snuggling with one of his shirts that still smell like him. If something really exciting or depressing happens you have to wait around for the phone to ring to tell him about it and hear his comforting words because nobody can soothe you like him. Its worse than a death and harder than a break-up. A death is excruciatingly painful but with time you slowly heal and get back into routine. A break-up its usually a mutual choice that you and that person don't fit therefore separate. Loving someone in prison? You both want so badly to be together but are told when and how you can carry on with your relationship.
>>While there are many more con's to this situation those are the biggest two in my opinion.<<
For the small Pros:
*It's all about the small things:
You come to realize all the stupid fights you had before mean nothing now. All the times you bitched about the trash, or snoring, maybe even a dumb movie he insisted on watching means absolutely nothing now. What I would give to see him sitting on the couch playing the PlayStation, even if I had to take out the trash myself. (sh*t I gotta do it myself now anyways) What I do to hear him snoring so loud I cant sleep, I never dreamed I would ever miss it. Or all the times I would argue about what movie he wanted me to watch with him, usually, he'd win and I'd just fall asleep in his lap so I wouldn't have to watch it lol. Now I would watch the dumbest, manliest, most boring movie ever made as long as I could sit on the couch and cuddle with him. God how I miss picking up empty soda cans and water bottles he'd always leave around.
*You truly become closer:
I would like to first and foremost say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the dumb b**ch who put him in there. Without you we would have never opened up to each other like we have. I would never experience the feeling of truly loving every inch of someone flaws and all. We cannot hug, kiss, stare into each other's eyes, have a sex life, share memories, etc. All we have are 15 minute phone calls at $2 each, and letters of which take 4 days at the least to get to the other person. But even with just those two we are more connected than ever. We now can slow down and realize maybe sometimes instead of a flashy piece of jewelry, house, car, outfit or whatever. We love to show off the words that are sent to us. The greeting cards most would find cheesy but to use they are worth more than gold. Knowing that once he's home our life and relationship will be 10x better than before all this because we will appreciate things most take for granted.
>> As with the con's there are a billion more but those are the ones that hit home the most <<
All in all while you may pity us or look down upon us, Our skin is nothing but leather. Some can't make through the struggles as this lifestyle is truly not for everyone. Next time you go to make a comment about the "ones in prison who don't matter". Next time you see prisoners working on the side of the road and still speed by them with the mentality "nobody would miss them if I hit them". Stop and think...... That's somebodies son, dad, grandfather, uncle, brother, husband, boyfriend, fiance, etc. You don't know if they are truly guilty or had evidence against them. You don't know if they intentionally committed their "crime" or felt they had to in order to provide for their family. You don't know if they were innocent but took the plea to help somebody they love not have to spend time locked up. YOU DON'T KNOW.
I myself used to say "if they land themselves in prison they deserve to be treated like monsters". I now have seen it with my own eyes not everyone is truly "guilty". Not everyone in prison committed a horrible crime. Don't get me wrong there are some who should get the needle quicker than day. But not all of them. On the inside they are the same as us, with families, friends, careers, etc. But they are put under stereotypes that break them down into cold hearted vegetables without us standing by to support them for the true being they are. We are also some of the only people who look forward to going to prison and actually dress up for it as much as possible. LOL *Sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying*
- Think about it.
-xoxox Brandi (the prison girlfriend)-
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